Did I Just Become A Mississippian? + Thanksgiving

*Disclaimer: Even though the title says "Mississippian", I will always be a Tennessean at heart. It is important that everyone know and accept that.

So lately I have had a rough time. This is partly because of life changes I am less than fond of, but also because I am nearly 25 years old and this age sucks, especially for girls. I am 3 weeks away from 25 and I don't have a boyfriend/fiance/husband, nor do I have a child. By Southern standards, I am a senior citizen in the dating world and I should've started popping out babies weeks ago. It doesn't help that every time I get on Facebook or Instagram there is a new engagement/wedding/baby/young family photo shoot consuming my newsfeed while I am over here playing Susie Save The World and focusing on work and living wherever I'm needed most. It is really annoying and stressful and frequently lonely. In case you've been wondering, Mississippi isn't just a party waiting to happen.

Anyway, I tell you all of that to tell you this...

A few weeks ago I was driving to Kroger and, out of nowhere, I started crying. I know, stupid, but it happened. And no, I don't want to talk about it. I'm not entirely sure why I began crying because I happen to enjoy grocery shopping, but I think it was combination of being tired, lonely, stressed, sad, and sick of feeling a lack of stability (I have lived in 2 states in 6 years, lived in 6 apartments, and have never had a job that didn't have a set ending point. It gets old). Whatever the reason, I started crying and I was annoyed. I pulled myself together in roughly 30 seconds, put on my happy face, and marched my butt into Kroger.

I hadn't gotten 5 feet in the door when I felt these little arms wrap around my legs. I looked down and it was a girl that I see every week at More Than A Meal. I looked up and saw her mom waving so I waved back, hugged the little girl, and made my way over to the apples. I went about my shopping and, no more than 10 minutes later, I was on another aisle when I ran into someone else I knew. Someone I knew well enough to speak to and carry on a brief conversation with. This humored me a little because I saw two people I knew in one place, but it also made me think back on earlier in the day. I had been in Walgreens roughly two hours earlier and saw a couple there that I knew. Earlier in the day, I ran down to a meeting at the library and I knew at least half the people there and, when introduced to a local man, he knew who I was when I didn't even know him.

And that is when it hit me...I know people here. I know people and people know me. Fairly exciting. Moderately frightening. Then I went home for Thanksgiving.

I was home for a week and I actually missed Mississippi. I still can't believe it. That is the first time in a while (or ever). I missed my daily routine, going to work, making my own schedule, doing things at my own pace, and most of all, alone time. Turns out MS isn't terrible. Who knew. There are a lot of things and people I love at home, but for the first time in 2 years I feel like I have actually settled into a routine and a way of life. Minus the crying part. That will not become routine.

Ramsey isn't the best cuddler, but she at least shares the couch. Close enough.

Cousins + a girlfriend

Friends and fire. Thanksgiving shenanigans. 

Downtown Jonesborough

Jonesborough Round 2

 

Politics Make People Dumb

I am not a political person. This could largely be because I don't trust anyone and I assume all politicians are flat-out liars, but regardless, it just isn't something I care to discuss. Ever. I don't care if we are two years or two days away from an election, I don't talk about it. It goes without saying that I am incredibly happy that yesterday is over, but I can't help but notice how ignorant so many people get during an election. Below is a list of the idiotic things our self-proclaimed educated citizens like to spit out around election time...

1. "My President is Black" - Fantastic. We are all thrilled to know that you aren't visually impaired, but now we also think that a candidate's race was what you based your decision on when voting. Your opinions are now irrelevant to me.

2. "If _____ wins, I'm moving to Canada" - Let's be a little dramatic, shall we? Absolutely no one believes that you are leaving this country if someone you don't like is the President. Morons are elected or re-elected every 4 years and there is never a mass exodus of disgruntled Americans, all headed straight for Canada. Additionally, do you even know anything about Canada's politics? If you did, you would know they had 18 registered political parties including the Pirate Party, the Rhinoceros Party, and the Marijuana Party. Since you are so dissatisfied with the American political system, would you be joining one of those? Lastly - if you're leaving the country, why not go somewhere warm? "If Obama wins, I'm moving to Brazil!" That is a dramatic statement I can support.

3. "We can't handle 4 more years of what we just had" - I like the vagueness here. It says, "I'm not entirely sure what we just had, but I've heard a lot of people complaining so I'm going to pretend like I'm disappointed as well".

4. "I can't wait to go to work tomorrow so  people can benefit from my hard work and government handouts" - This not only makes you sound like an asshole, but you also sound close-minded. Don't get me wrong. There are plenty of people that abuse government assistance. I was behind a woman in the gas station yesterday and she was buying pork rinds and a 40oz Bud Light. It was 12 in the afternoon. Chances are, she is unemployed. However, making generalizations about people receiving government assistance makes you look uneducated. Just because someone has a job, it doesn't mean they are making enough to get by. Furthermore, laziness isn't always the reason people aren't achieving at the level you deem acceptable. Think about why you are successful. Think about why you have a job. Think about how you obtained your education. Did the "lazy" people have all of that? Government assistance isn't ideal in the way that it is structured, but instead of making uninformed statements about people that have less than you, maybe try to find ways to combat a lack of education and the cycle of poverty. Just a thought.

*Side note - speaking of drains on our economy, shall we look at our Presidential candidates? Both men raised and spent nearly $100 MILLION for ads for each of their campaigns and that was just through September. That isn't even all the funds. Around $6 BILLION was the final figure for these campaigns. They allowed that kind of money to be raised and put towards ads bashing each other. Pretty sure that is money terribly spent, but you don't see many people complaining about that. Is it because they are "hard workers"?

5. "Now I can afford college!" - Millions of people have been doing this already...? College is more attainable now than it has ever been. Yes, loans suck, but it is part of it. The graduate school comments are my favorite though. I went to grad school for free, as did almost every other person I know that has a Master's degree. Assistantships are a beautiful thing. I know they aren't easily attainable, or even available, for every school or area of study, but there are a lot of programs in place, or even businesses, that pay/assist with paying for graduate degrees. Let's not be too quick to start handing out pats on the back.

Those are the top 5 most annoying statements to which I have repeatedly been subjected. I am incredibly glad this election is over and I genuinely don't care who you voted for and why. I am really excited that we can all go back to living the exact same way we have been for the past 4 years, but without the constant Facebook or Twitter updates suggesting how the country should be run.

I Blew My Nose...And It Was Blue

The Color Run was this past weekend and, for a split second, I never thought my hair, nose, or ears were going to be the same. My q-tips were green, my hair was dry and orange, and once, when I blew my nose, it was literally blue. BUT! You know what else I got out of the Color Run?!

I got $1800 to start an Art fund at my high school. 

I cannot express to each and every one of you how truly appreciative I am of your generosity and support. Your selflessness and desire to help children you don't even know is heart-warming, inspirational, and immensely appreciated. While there is still a lot of money to be raised, this is the boost I needed to get fundraising off the ground. I am very excited for the future and I can't wait to see what other great things can be accomplished during my time here with the support of all the wonderful people that surround me. 

Thank you. 

Now, in case you were wondering exactly what happened during the Color Run, don't worry - I have photos. But first - the details and observations of the day: Good news! The "paint" being thrown at us was actually colored corn starch. I was relieved to find out that the powdery substance being thrown at my face in the middle of a run wasn't toxic. Secondly, there was no surprise paint attack. The funniest part of the whole race was seeing the cloud of color up ahead. Lastly, people were going CRAAAAZY over this paint. Seriously - there were people rolling in the paint on the ground. It was bizarre. Funny, but bizarre. 

All in all, I was a little skeptical, but it was REALLY fun.

This was our team before the race - all clean!
(From L: Jillian, Stacy, Sharon, and me)

Aaaaand this is after the race. HOT MESS. 

Can we all please take note of my paint mustache? In my defense, Jillian had one too and Sharon's tongue was blue.

I really had mixed emotions about this whole experience. 

After the race, there are several times where everyone throws packets of paint into the air together. There is loud music, lots of dancing, and a lot of colors. It is kind of like a rave without the drugs.

Let's Get Colorful, Colorful

Alright people...I need your money. I also need you to appreciate the Olivia Newton-John-inspired title. If "Let's Get Physical" is now stuck in your head, I apologize. Anyway...

The high school where I work currently has no art program. There are about 75 kids in Theater/Performing Arts because that is one of their two options (the other being band) to fulfill their art requirement and graduate. We have A LOT of talented kids in the school, but they don't have the resources to display their abilities. On the other end of the spectrum, we also have kids that have never been exposed to anything artistic. For example, they aren't familiar with scissors or glue sticks.

That's right, folks. I work in a high school with 14-19 year olds that don't know how to cut or glue. I am not lying.

Not being able to cut or glue isn't only going to prevent these kids from being super scrapbookers, but their lack of exposure to the Arts takes away from their overall education. Arts education improves academic achievement, aids in social and emotional development, and, in a culture such as the one where I work, it serves as an outlet for the students to positively express their mental and emotional struggles. This is especially important in a town with no athletic facilities (literally none), few after school programs, and a lack of role models to teach these kids how to properly handle stressful situations or altercations from a young age.

With that said, I am working hard to find ways to bring an art program to the school. I have literally spent nearly 2 months just searching for funding. Unfortunately, a lot (and by "a lot" I mean "every single one") of the organizations don't actually fund art classes. They fund large projects proposed by art classes, but that doesn't help me. I don't even have a class to propose a project. Even if I found a grant that would fund a class, it would likely be for supplies. A lot of organizations aren't really fond of funding salaries. Understandable. Kind of.

[The cost of a first year Art teacher (salary and benefits) is around $50,000. In this school district, people laugh at you if you say you need $500. There is absolutely no extra money.]

So, here is what I have done. I have paid $54 to run 3 miles on October 13th and have powdery paint thrown at me (see above pictures). What better way to show my support for the Arts, right? I know what you're thinking - "That is $54 well spent!" - but it really will be. I paid the money to run, so now I am asking all of you to make donations and act as my sponsors. After months of searching, I have decided that if we want Arts in these schools, we are just going to have to raise the funds ourselves. Every last cent will go back to my high school and will go to start a fund to eventually buy paints and pencils and a teacher, oh my!

Click on that button. I will be accepting donations through next Saturday, October 13. Donate whatever you can or whatever you would like. Literally ANYTHING will help and it will be more appreciated than you'll ever know. 

The Time Machine + Other Good Stuff

The Time Machine - 

If you find yourself searching for other terms for the landmass between NOLA and Mobile, I like to call it The Time Machine. Crossing the state line into Mississippi is like traveling back a few decades, both in terms of stuff and people. The town where I work has no red lights. Zero. None. Nothing but a few four-way stops. That is to be expected with any small town, but there are also numerous dirt roads, the main roads have no shoulder, no street lights, and many of the houses you pass look like they should be condemned. Correction - look like they should've been condemned years ago. It truly puts things in perspective. I get annoyed because I have a leak in my sink and I'm not entirely sure all these houses have running water. The schools recently (as in within the last year) got rid of window units and had central heat and air installed. Welcome to the 21st century, everyone!

Abandon house in Oxford, MS

The houses in MS are really eye-opening. You see a lot with aluminum or plastic windows, sinking roofs, and crumbling foundations. In the event that a house finally gets too dilapidated to live in, it is just left. Things don't get torn down in Mississippi. They get left and time does its work on them. While this is startling at first, it is actually a little cool because you can see reminders of the past all around you. You can see what houses looked like in the 40s, 50s, or 60s, if not earlier, and you can only speculate about who lived in them and the history that took place there.

Houses in Crenshaw, MS

Buildings aren't the only things old and in need of renovation in this town. Many of the mindsets of people that live here are similar to what people were thinking in the 50s or 60s. The racial divide that remains in this county, and the entire state, is something that you wouldn't think existed anymore. You see it everywhere. You see it in the upkeep of the towns, the structure of the school systems, the attitudes of the citizens. There is a clear understanding that many people's paths will never cross.







Don't get me wrong, there are some AMAZING people of both races here (I say "both" races because MS is pretty much only black and white). As I have said before, I have met some of the most wonderful and selfless people in this town, but it can't be overlooked how often race comes up in conversation. When projects are discussed, or the issues in the county are brought to the table, the racial divide among the citizens can't be ignored. It is almost 2013 (assuming the world doesn't end) and we are still having conversations about the color of someone's skin and how that influences their way of living, opportunities, abilities, etc. We are celebrating the 50th anniversary of integration at Ole Miss, but there are still questions about the amount of diversity seen in postsecondary education and concerns about educated the student body is on the history of the institution.

A friend sent me a picture of this article from USA Today.
People always have to find something negative in the positive

Is Mississippi ever going to get to a point where race isn't on the forefront of nearly every discussion, or at least a thought in the back of almost everyone's mind? Over this next year, am I going to be able to propose a project or idea without having to consider that populations of people involved? If Ole Miss integrated 50 years ago and we are still dealing with the same issues, just on a smaller, less violent scale, how freaking long is it going to take to just be people working together to better their communities?

The Other Good Stuff...

Music: In case you were wondering - and I know you were - this song gets me pumped for work every morning. 

Sean Hayes - "Miss Her When I'm Gone" 

Life Lessons: Something I've learned recently - don't surround yourself with people that don't know how to support what you're passionate about. If you are lucky enough to find something you genuinely love doing every single day, go with it. If the people that love you don't support it, they're just silly. 

Day Brightener: 

Yours truly. Ridiculous from birth.  

Quote of the Day: 

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it" -Aristotle 

Friends Are Like...

My mom's cat, Van Gogh (notice the missing ear)
was really excited to have me, & my stuff, home.

I went home this weekend to save my brain. It was touch-and-go for a bit (I claimed Fall was my favorite month), but I think I recovered rather nicely. I came back to Oxford with a hair cut, coffee pot, and gym membership. I'm practically a new woman.

While I was home, I got to have some family time. That consisted, as always, of making fun of my Nana's Alabama accent and looking at old photos that my uncle had put on a DVD. Some were hilarious. My mother...my mother should be SO thankful that I love her enough to not post some of those pictures on here. I'm not sure the readers of this blog would know what to do with the haircuts my loving grandmother gave her. Or with some of her poses. For not liking to have her pictures taken now, she sure knew what she was doing then!

My Nana: pronouncing water as "worter" since 1928 

In addition to family time, I got some Blowing Rock, NC time. Always, always a good decision. It is weird how much someone can miss the mountains. We also met a man in Blowing Rock named Roger. Roger was quite smitten with my mother and men hitting on my mom is always entertainment for me (if any of you know her, ask her about the Titanic Captain in Pigeon Forge. Classic). Anyway, this man was super nice and, after I explained to him that I wasn't 19 years old and that I had a job, I was able to tell him what I do and why I love it. After talking to him for roughly 30-40 minutes, this man looked at me and said, "Put Jesus in everything you do and you'll be successful, because I can see the calling in your face and I can tell your heart is in the right place." Thank God for sunglasses because I almost cried in public in front of a stranger. As if this man wasn't brightening up my day enough, he had kittens. 8 of them. My day: complete.

Don't worry, I left him there. Against my will. 

Sunday consisted of an amazing lunch with even better conversation, Mexican food for dinner because Oxford doesn't meet my Mexican food needs, and watching (and by "watching" I mean sleeping through) The Lorax with my 9 year old cousin. As if the weekend wasn't good enough, I renewed my driver's license on Monday in 20 minutes. Folks, I was IN AND OUT OF THE DMV IN 20 MINUTES. Someone call those Guinness people. I have a world record I need to report.

Though I didn't come back to Oxford with a kitten or a stash of tacos, I did return with new perspectives and a renewed sense of excitement (probably due, in large part, to that coffee pot). I text and talk to my friends from home all the time, but living 8 hours apart makes it easy to forget how amazing they are. Every time I go home, I am never disappointed. I've got a friend in Nashville, working all over the state and even visiting me in MS! (He was the first - other friends, take note). Another friend is Interior Designing up the Eastern part of TN and is in grad school. Her sister is in grad school at UT, being all studious and athletically training some people. I have another friend going to Thailand in January to build a community center. Thailand! I'm contemplating recruiting them to help me run the world. Thoughts? Between the 5 of us, we could sell, build, decorate, and educate, all while being healthy and having a personal trainer. I think I might be on to something...

Anyway. Neeew perspectives. New perspectives are great. Everyone needs them. It is important to be able to listen to others' opinions, consider them, but only be changed by them as much as necessary. You don't want to be an opinion sponge, soaking up the thoughts of everyone else and adopting them as your own. I think I was reminded this weekend how important thoughtful and insightful conversations are. You need people in your life that can listen to you ramble and provide honest, but helpful feedback. You need people that don't always agree with you and you need people to tell you when you are being ridiculous. You need people you can share looks with when other people are being ridiculous. You need people that make you laugh. My job doesn't really revolve around a laughing matter, so I need to surround myself with funny people. Luckily, I know some.    

The first sunset of Fall, my favorite month!

Now, that I've rambled about loving my friends, I'm going to leave you with some really insightful stuff. The title of this post is "Friends Are Like..." I was thinking, "Oh, I'll find a really good quote about what friends are like and I will tie it into this post!" Unfortunately, I turned to other people to provide me with a quote. Upon my internet search of what friends are like, this is what I found...

• "Best friends are like bread knives. They can help you lots, but they can hurt you badly too."  -That's deep. 
• "Some friends are like pennies. Two-faced and worthless." -Quite uplifting 
• "Friends are like roses...you have to look out for the pricks!" -I thought that applied to dating?
• "Best friends are like thighs. They are always sticking together." - ....
• "Friends are like sisters, but like sisters, they grow up, move out, and become apart." -What?
• "Friends are like underwear..." -I can't bring myself to finish that one, but none of my friends should be that close to my butt.
• "Friends are like boobs. Some are big, some are small, some are real, while some are fake." -How insightful.
• "Friends are like the television. Some are like PBS and are always asking for money. Others are like the news, with sad tales to tell every day. Some are like that one station with the foreign language; you don't understand a word of it, but you listen and watch." -I have no words.  

What Phase Is This?

Whenever you go to PSO (Pre-Service Orientation), they explain all these phases that you will experience over your year of service. First, you will be super excited. "I've got a new job! I'm going to change the world!" That obviously subsides and it becomes more of a "I see why you don't get things accomplished here" type of attitude. That is shortly followed by "I'm just going through the motions". Then, right as you're about to leave, you go back to "I love my job! Look at all we have accomplished!" Really, quite the roller coaster of emotions.

However, they never mentioned the phase where it seems like your job is taking over and your life is completely out of sync. Maybe I discovered a new phase? I doubt it, but when I realized that my drive into work this morning consisted of me attempting to eat peaches out of a can with my right hand (I'm left-handed) while I drove like maniac to get to work on time, I decided it was probably time to really reevaluate what I am doing. 

I was attempting to eat peaches out of a can for breakfast because it was the only thing I had time to grab because I was running late because I woke up late because it takes me forever to fall asleep at night because I think about my job.

Thank GOD there are 50% fewer calories. I was concerned about getting fat off my peaches. I'm going to be on a sugar high from my peaches in pear juice, but I will not be fat. And why are the people on the can so happy? I ate those peaches and I do not feel like that on the inside. Maybe I need to wait for the 38.5g of sugar to hit me. You can't rush excessive, swing-your-child-around happiness.   

This is why I don't have children. I need sleep and I need a routine. When I get out of whack, peaches out of a can with my right hand happen. When I get out of whack, I have to throw away perfectly good chicken and perfectly good ground beef because I thaw them to cook dinner, forget I've thawed them, and they go bad. I am honestly not sure when the last time I cooked dinner was, unless throwing something frozen in the microwave counts...? Wait, eating spoonfuls of peanut butter...does that count? 

I should probably take the approach of one of my friends, Liz, and try to turn all this complaining into something positive. For example, I need to quit complaining because I had food to eat in my nice car on my way to my job that pays most of my bills (thanks, Mom). I should also be thankful for being left-handed because that means I'm smarter (ha) and I should be thankful that, even though I'm having a hard time falling asleep, I am laying awake in a really comfortable bed. I'm starving right now, but the fact that I'm starving means I'm alive...? That one might've been a stretch. 

Being positive is exhausting. 

On a completely unrelated note, it is apparently Unmarried and Singles week, so I've learned all kinds of stupid statistics. For example, only 25% of people 25 and over with a bachelor's degree or higher are unmarried. Meaning 75% are married...? Apparently, I'm doing something wrong. Honestly, how has someone not made a Mrs. out of a girl that eats spoonfuls of peanut butter for dinner, canned peaches for breakfast, and burns her hair off with her hairdryer? Clearly, I'm a catch. I think this is where I'm supposed to say something about how men are intimidated by me...?

Now that this post has gotten completely off topic, I'm going to bring it back around to the beginning and say that I need to get my life togetheeeeer. I need to sleep. I need to eat decent food. I need to answer fewer emails after work. Once you get to the point of being tired, hungry, and completely unproductive, you're no longer doing what you were hired to do, and if you're a bad VISTA, you're failing your country. 

That might be a bit dramatic, but I'm tired and hungry so "dramatic" is currently my middle name.  

I want to leave you all with this quote, because I like it... 

"Being an adult sucks." - Me (and every other adult)

Too Much Snot

If I have to listen to one more loogie get hocked in my bathroom, I'm quitting my job. Just wanted to give everyone a heads up.

Is This Real Life?

This morning I woke up at 6:40am. I leave my house at 7am. After springing out of bed like my ass was on fire, I managed to shower, get ready, and leave by 7:05am. Someone give me a medal.

Speaking of fire, this morning I realized that what smelled like burnt hair was actually my hair dryer burning my hair. Off. It burnt it off. I then realized that what I thought was my hair just oddly breaking off for the past few weeks could actually be related to my hair dryer...burning it.

Today, I was addressed, in a professional email, as Ms. G. That's a new one. I was also called "momma"...by two different children.

In the office behind me, some man felt it was necessary (or maybe impressive?) to belch. Repeatedly. All day long. This comes one day after some other man hocked a loogie and left it in the toilet in the bathroom in my office.

I attended my 6th meeting in 7 business days today. I barely remember what we talked about and, for a brief moment before the meeting started, I wasn't even entirely sure I actually had that meeting today.

Last, but not least, here is the icing on the cake...

Tonight, in Pilates, someone farted. Loud. And no one laughed. I'm sorry, what? Am I the only one with the sense of humor of a 14 year old boy? WHO doesn't laugh at unexpected farts? ESPECIALLY in a room full of girls...? How am I supposed to relax with people rippin' farts around me? Impossible.


That was my life today. It was like having an out-of-body experience. Seriously...burnt hair, burps, loogies, and children referring to me as "momma". This is completely irrelevant when it comes to my job, but I wanted to document it so I could look back and laugh at everything, especially the unexpected fart.

"Where You Invest Your Love, You Invest Your Life"

First and foremost, whoever knows good music knows I stole my title from Mumford and Sons. I linked their name to the song with those lyrics. You're welcome.

On to business...

I have been an AmeriCorps VISTA for just over a month now and, if I were to quit tomorrow, I could confidently say this has already been the most wonderful and invaluable experience of my life. And honestly, I've been pleasantly surprised. I knew I would enjoy this job, but I didn't know I would absolutely fall in love with the school and people with whom I come in contact. Unfortunately, I express myself best in lists and bullet points, so I have numbered what I've experienced so far:

1. During orientation, you are warned that many people might not understand your job, appreciate that you are there, or might not initially welcome you as an outsider into their community and/or culture. My experience has been absolutely nothing like that. I have never been more welcomed, supported, or encouraged by a group of people that barely know me in my entire life. A school custodian checks on me daily. This man has to clean bathrooms, wax floors, and pick up trash after nasty high school kids while I sit at my desk and search around on the Internet and yet, HE checks on ME. A man that is originally from a town I'm serving, but now lives in another state, checks on me. He is retired, lives in a completely different area code, and has the means to be going on all kinds of adventures, but he still finds the time to make sure I'm keeping my head above water. A woman in the next town over is a copywriter, among many other things that keep her busy, but she always finds time to provide me really, really good ideas and invites me to nearly every meeting possible so I can meet people to help me along my journey. It never ceases to amaze me how selfless and supportive the people I am meeting are.  

2. Some aspects of a different culture just have to be embraced. I kind of have a funny example for this one. It involves a t-shirt. So, we are selling (attempting to sell) homecoming shirts. With the input of a couple people, a really cool shirt was designed. It was simple, to the point, and looked pretty good. So we thought. Turns out white people are plain. We were using our best marketing strategies to sell these "cool" shirts, but were only getting responses like, "That's too plain"..."Why does it have Mississippi on it?"..."I mean, I would buy this shirt, but if I saw another shirt with claws ripping through the front, I'd buy that one first"..."Black folks like big pictures!" (I swear, I am not making this up). As we told other administrators that we were going to change the front to now display a steroid-induced cougar, nooooo one was surprised. If I could sum up everyone's response into one general statement, it would've been along the lines of something like, "Well, no shit. I could've told you these kids didn't want a shirt that just had the school name across the front." Point is, we now have a really cool design for the front that I think the kids are going to love. Why? Because it fits their culture, not mine. And where I am? I'm in their school and their community, not mine. It was a quick reminder that, just because I don't understand someone else's preferences, it doesn't mean that I should try to change them. I am actually really happy to think that we might now be offering the kids something they actually want and can be excited to wear. I want them to be happy.

3. Turns out that I love collaborating. Wait - I love collaborating with competent and/or passionate people. Throughout my 18 years of school, group assignments were the bane of my existence. I would rather go through rush at Ole Miss than have to depend on another student to efficiently complete an assignment. If you know me at all, you know that rush at Ole Miss is kind of what I imagine hell to be like (sorry, ladies). Anyway - now that I've been placed in a position that requires me to do new jobs in a new community, I have quickly learned to love working with other people. It took me all 24 years and 9 months of my existence to admit that I don't know everything, but since I got over that hurdle (a hurdle the size of Mt. Everest), I now LOVE asking for advice. I love meeting new people, I love hearing their suggestions, I love experiencing their genuine gratefulness. It makes every day of my job exciting and rewarding.

4. I moved to a low-income community on the edge of the MS Delta. I serve kids that may never have as much stuff in their lifetimes as I have already accumulated in 24 years. I work in a town with no established grocery store, no mall, no movie theater, and not a single chain restaurant. There is no park, no functioning baseball fields, no community center. Reading that, you would think this little town in Mississippi had nothing to offer me and that I am probably spending my days showing these people how to live. Nope. I think every one should visit the Delta. It makes you thankful for what you have and it makes you realize how unevenly wealth is distributed in this country. It makes you realize that people of all races don't have equal opportunities and that a lack of education across generations keeps populations in poverty. While it is certainly not the case for everyone, being in this community is a constant reminder that people deserve better and will work for better if someone simply takes the time to show them how.

5. Lastly, going back to the title of this post, I am currently investing my love into these small towns in MS. Sometimes I am afraid my life will be built around them too. What happens in a year when my work here isn't finished? What if I have a lot left that I want to do? What happens when I don't want to leave the school or don't want to have to maintain the relationships I've made over distance? Do I stay? What would I do? The school district doesn't have the money to hire me for anything. I love working here, but this wouldn't be my ideal living location. I'm 8 hours from home and that gets old. It is a good and bad position to be in. It is good that I am happy here, but the time is passing quickly and next August will be here before I know it. That, my friends, is a bummer.

That is a brief, yet organized, summary of my life and where my mind is one month into my job. If you know I'm a VISTA, and clearly you do from this blog, I'm not allowed to be religious. With that said, I'm going to leave you with a quote (some might call it a verse) from a book (huge book, tiny print, lots of stories) that inspires me to be a certain type of woman...

"She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy." 

Frustration Station

Frustrated. Irritated. Slowly liking the sounds of Socialism (kidding. kind of). Whatever title you want to put on it, I'm over it today.

Grant writing - that's cool. Grant searching - that's some bs.

Tell me if this should make sense to anyone...

There is a foundation (I will leave it unnamed in case I ever need anything from them!) that has a lot of money. A LOT. More than they will ever know what to do with. Let's just say their charitable contributions from 2002 to 2010 were $690 million. $690 MILLION. After they spend $1 million, they still have $689 million left. I can't even wrap my mind around that. You know what else I can't wrap my mind around?

These are two of their areas of focus:
1. Healthy and Active Lifestyles: to support access to exercise, physical activity, and nutritional education programs, programs that motivate behavior modification, and programs that encourage lifestyle/behavioral changes.
2. Education: to support scholarships, school drop-out prevention, access to education programs, and other education initiatives.

That sounds really great, right? Then why the hell don't they support local sports or athletic teams or, my personal favorite, SCHOOLS?!! Don't want to support sports teams? Fine. There are a lot of them and the benefit of each team could be disputed. Whatever. But schools? Is this real life? I know that no one from this particular foundation has ever visited this part of MS (or likely any part), but let me explain something --- if kids are getting any help, participating in any activity, and, for the most part, getting any supervision, they.are.at.school.

Another organization I ran across today wants to reduce poverty, but doesn't fund after-school programming. Brilliant. What do they think children living in poverty do once school is out? Jump in their car and run to the mall with their friends? That would be really cool if this town had a mall. Or kids that could afford cars.

Needless to say, today I'm a Negative Nancy. I hate knowing money is out there and basically not being allowed to have it because we are a school. Heaven forbid we educate children in a sufficient environment. Additionally, a woman near me cleared her throat 13 times in 4 minutes. It took every ounce of self-control in my body not to slam my face into my desk.

Weren't 4 day weeks supposed to be better?

If You're Gonna Be Poor, You Better Be Crafty

My entire life my mother has told me, "If you're gonna be stupid, you gotta be tough." 

See how tough I look? Exactly. I learned not to be stupid quickly. 

Now that I am an adult(ish-like person) I have taken my mother's wisdom and adapted it to fit my current situation. Last night, I was sitting on my living room floor and I was painting, really patting myself on the back because I was making something that you would normally get charged at least $30 for, when it hit me: I am being crafty because I have no money. 

Don't get me wrong. I like being crafty, but it is much easier to purchase a cute painting than to paint it, no? Well yes it is, but it is also much more expensive. I spent $30 and got 4 18x24 canvases, spray paint, stencils, and a new bottle of paint. I will get 4 pictures for the cost of one if I had let someone else do the work. Boom. It hit me again - I have to do the work.

More things are going to get accomplished if I - really, we - put in the man hours. I have spent the past 2.5 weeks searching for people to just give us money. I want to type up a little paper explaining the woes of a low-income school and community and just have someone feel bad and hand over a check.

FYI: In this economy, you have to be a 501(c)(3), one-woman operation feeding hungry kids in the US, Uganda, and Guatemala, while also running a foster home for orphans in Chicago that somehow benefits the elderly, disabled, and another minority population to even be an eligible corporation. 

Needless to say, grants haven't been rolling out and checks haven't been rolling in. 

So, time to get crafty. Pancake breakfasts, penny drives, art shows, and dare I say...car washes?! (I will make a personal donation to the school to prevent this from happening).

Anyway, there is a point to this post (other than to give my brain a break) and that point is: Think outside the box. Put in the foot work. Don't get discouraged when people aren't ready and willing to give you money. 

Last, but not least - my favorite quote of the day thus far...

"I just can't have her flippin' the bird in class."   

The Land of Dreams...If You're White. And Wealthy. And Educated.

"To understand the world, you must first understand a place like Mississippi." - William Faulkner 

This comes as no surprise to any of you, but Mississippi, as a whole, is poor. And unhealthy. And uneducated. And nothing more than a landmass (if you don't know why that's funny, search "The Landmass Between NOLA and Mobile" and you'll understand). And all of that is frustrating because, compared to the rest of the country, Mississippi seems to be forgotten despite the fact they need a lot of help. 

Don't know why they need help? Here is why:

(These statistics came from the Mississippi Delta Project, A Portrait of Mississippi: Mississippi Human Development Report 2009, and America After 3pm) 

1. Mississippi's high school graduation rate is 61%, lower than the national average. The county in which I work is one of the top five counties in the state with the highest dropout rate. 

2. Mississippi has approximately 168,000 high school dropouts on Medicaid. This costs the state more than $208 million a year. 

3. In 2009, a survey conducted found that 25% of K-12 children supervise themselves after school. They are without adult supervision, on average, 9 hours a week. 

4. Mississippians living in Panola & Coahoma counties (I work in Panola) live like the average American lived in 1975.

5. In Mississippi, the white residents that are the worst off are still better off than the vast majority of African American residents. 

6. The infant mortality rate for nonwhites in Mississippi is nearly two times higher than the overall rate for the United States. In some counties it is three times higher. That is comparable to Libya and Thailand. 

7. In the Delta, the average Mississippian earns less than $19,000 a year. 

8. In Mississippi, the average white resident outlives the average African American resident by four years and earns an average of $10,000 more per year.  

9. Mississippi ranks in the top five of states with the highest teen births. 

10. Last, but not least - my personal favorite: Mississippi is spending twice as much per prisoner as it it on education per schoolchild.   

So there you have it. The state in which I am living and working to make a better place. The odds are against me in almost every way possible, but I suppose it wouldn't be fun if it was easy. That is what I am going to keep telling myself. Just go with it. 

If anyone has suggestions, pass them my way. Words of encouragement? I'll take 'em. If you're going to hate on Mississippi (especially if you've never been here), keep it to yourself. I need solutions, not uneducated opinions. With that said, I will leave you with this because I like it...

"A child born to a black mother in a state like Mississippi has exactly the same rights as a white baby born to the wealthiest person in the United States. It's not true, but I challenge anyone to say it is not a goal worth working for." -Thurgood Marshall  

I'm Movin' and Shakin'!

Ok, it is time to admit that I am not a blogger. I am more of the "experience your emotions as you move through them as quickly as possible" type, so writing things, especially for public eyes, is just not my thing. However, I'm passionate about my job and the people I am working with and for. With that said, I am going to give this a shot.

Anyway, I have completed week 1 and started week 2 of my AmeriCorps VISTA position. Week 1 - Rough. I brought it on myself, though. The school was great, the administration was great, and, aside from the gawking high school boys, the students were great. I, however, was nuts (don't worry, I hid it well). I was so frustrated by the third day. Yes, day 3. I don't know why, but I wanted to have 235749857293 things accomplished by the end of the first week and when I didn't, I was pissed. HOW was I going to save the world in a year if I didn't have anything done in 3 days?!

Then week 2 arrived and so did my sanity. Week 2 has been great and I am actually making progress. These are the things I have in the works:

1. The Mr. Holland's Opus Foundation: After submitting a pre-qualification form, my school was invited to apply for a grant for some new instruments and instrument repairs. These children better be ready to make the best music you've ever heard.

2. Baseball Fields: There are some baseball fields in town that, with the proper renovations, would be perfect for Little League or school teams. With the help of Mr. Hebert, a baseball-loving middle school teacher, there could be an awesome fundraiser with Ole Miss in the future. A fundraiser that involves wiffle ball and crawfish. Count. Me. In.

3. Adopt-A-Classroom: As soon as the teachers can get their classrooms loaded, Crenshaw Elementary School needs your help. They are operating on a tiny, tiny budget and tiny, tiny kids need some school supplies!! If you're reading this blog, you're probably reading it on your computer. If you own a computer, you just might have 25 bucks to spare. If you have 25 bucks to spare, go to www.adoptaclassroom.org and hook some people up with markers, crayons, and construction paper, oh my! (But don't do it yet! The classrooms aren't up!)

Ok, I've typed too much. My fingers are about to fall off and if they do that, I can't keep them crossed for all the good things to come (or write grants), making me useless.    

Soooo What Do You Do?

"What exactly do you do?"

I get that a lot when I tell people that I am an AmeriCorps VISTA and, fortunately for them, I don't mind explaining my job because it is something I think is necessary and something I can be proud of. So, these are the basic facts about my job:

1. My main goal is to build capacity. Basically, I don't do the hands on work. I do the behind the scenes work. I help to develop, organize, and implement programs that will continue to exist (hopefully) after I leave. I also do things like research and write grants or meet with influential members of the community to discuss concerns and potential projects.

2. Even though it says "Volunteer", I get paid. I think? Kidding. I do get paid, but it is such a minimal amount that sometimes I don't even notice my checking account balance has changed. There is, however, a reason for this. While working as an AmeriCorps VISTA, they want you to understand the living conditions of the people you're serving. With that said, they pay you, but you fall below the national poverty line. You can't be a VISTA and be fancy.

3. I work full-time (at least) for one year. At the end of my year I get an education award that will be used to pay off student loans and I will have non-competitive status for federal employment for one year. Not a bad deal.  

Live extremely cheaply for a year while you serve a community in need and get a little somethin' somethin' at the end. That is what it means to be a VISTA in a nutshell.

If you have the opportunity to be a VISTA, do it.